struggle

Remember this moment. Remember your failure to keep up. Remember the feeling of conflict. Remember this awkward dilemma. Remember.

What’s the point in doing this? I always forget. My mind is just not in the zone man. It’s in a haze.
Why am I always forgetting? Forgetting my worth, my joy, my purpose. I live in a state of constant disappointment. No, not a state. A cycle of wilfully self-deceived ups and downs. Or is it? That’s the thing, I can’t decide. It’s quite funny actually. How I’m helplessly stuck in this “cycle”.

Is mental illness real?

Cos it’s my nature to just block it all out and stone. Mute all the responsibilities and expectations and
worries and delusions. But it’s absolute wrong. And I know that.

Thus I cry out to You. In so doing, praying that I put that sliver of trust in You. Even the slightest little bit is fine. As long as there’s a start.

Or am I deluded, maybe I already have that trust in Him.

Hmm. Maybe I’ll think about it tomorrow.