life's too big for me

There are times when the temptation to give up and run is strong. I just had a moment like that in the shower.

I recently understood the difference between preaching the gospel to strangers or students during street evangelism; and doing likewise to people whom I love and care for. I’ve been so used to rejection by students who “just listen only” or simply make fun of the faith, it doesn’t really bother me much. Yet recent attempts to speak to loved ones about Christ have taken a toll on my weak heart (somewhat).

It hurts.

It hurts when I see my beloved friends and family treat the very gospel that CHANGES LIVES as a passing remark. It hurts when they confess that they just can’t believe. It hurts when I don’t see a real attempt to engage in fellowship with my God. And when hurt and disappointment set in, the whispers of “give up…” become screams of relent.

Typing this down, I realise how much of a hypocrite I am. There have been periods, lots of them, when I treat my God as such. I’m unfaithful to His calling. I’m unloving to His people. I’m unrepentant in my heart.

Life is indeed too big for me Lord, help.

What refuge do I have from the storms of life? Who else do I go to but You Lord?

Change me. Mould me. Refine me. Keep me. That I may hold fast to You in faith.

Please equip me for my life ahead Jesus.

If it’s to preach to family and friends Lord, give me the patience.

If it’s to evangelise to strangers, stir my heart to love them more.

If it’s to encourage fellow saints, bolster my words with Your Spirit.

If it’s to rebuke a wayward friend, strengthen and embolden me.

Keep me from stumbling. 

Yet let all things be within Your will.