confession

As the title may or may not suggest, I have a confession to make. Someone may or may not have died. Before going into that, let’s talk.

The last few posts have all revolving around the struggles that I’ve been facing. It’s hard for me to put into words these emotions that I myself can’t even make sense of; all I can say is that those feelings are as real as ever and that I’m just one of the many who are feeling lost now. I’m pretty sure most people fall prey to these emotions once in a while, having negative and destructive thoughts tempting your mind. The trigger for this slew of irrational, chaotic thoughts differ from person to person and for me, it was my overthinking.

I overthink a lot. And I mean a lot.

And as I over-analyse every detail and every incident at any particular point in my life, I begin to descend deeper and further into the dark recesses of my mind, places where no good thing can ever bear fruit. I end up choking (quite literally) in my own self-pity. There are times when I have these overthinking episodes in public; and when I manage to snap out of it, I let loose a grunt/whimper/spasm (I don’t even know what to call it HAHAAH). Fortunately enough for me, I can suppress it enough that it doesn’t draw weird stares from everyone around me…. I’m not even kidding, I know it sounds ridiculous, but yea. I’m weird.

Okay, enough of self-ridiculing nonsense. I have a confession to make. Don’t be alarmed. Remember how I said that I’d have to fight those bouts of feeling alone I had? I’m glad to share that I’m finally about to win! AHA, gotta beat that negativity to the ground yo. This is how I did it.

Galatians 2:20 says,

 I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

This was Paul’s address to the Galatians. Recently, a guest at one of our life groups shed new light onto this verse for me. He said that us believers should consider ourselves (or our old selves at least) dead. Just like how Jesus died on the cross, we too are dead to this world and to sin. So when sinful desires stymie us, we have to remember that it’s not us who have these destructive thoughts. They are nothing but a dead man haunting. A dead man wishing that we would listen to his pleas once again.

There’s no secret or trick to beating “negativity” but I find that reminding myself of my death, and thus trusting my everything to the Greatest Authority, helps. 

Nah, it does so much more than help. This Good News comes with a divine reassurance that, everything, everything that befalls me, points to His Good Work on the cross and in my life.

That man's dead.

The dead have no influence in this world anymore.

Good riddance.