Mr. Lonely

I usually try to end posts on a positive note, because I know, however minute it might be, it’s gonna have some influence on whoever reads it. And I would never want any negative vibes to stem from whatever I create. On the other hand, sprucing up and embellishing my real experiences with half-truths just ain’t my thing too. This might be the one that messes up my balancing act so far.

Okay. I might be exaggerating.

Anyway. Here goes.

So lately, I’ve been feeling alone. Not lonely, but alone. Is there a difference? Despite all my attempts to relate and talk to friends, somehow, it’s as if my world is engulfed in my own solitude.

I have family, yet I’m alone.

I have friends, yet I’m alone.

I have God, yet I’m alone?

You have to realize that it’s not all the time that I feel this way. It’s just that there are these pangs of desolation I feel? And it’s at some of these times where I choke up, or my chest tightens. Then, it passes; and I realize how irrationally the human heart works.

I consider myself a ridiculously prideful person. Sometimes I’m so concerned about how people see me that I literally can’t function. Sharing my vulnerabilities with you is a big deal to me. And I guess that if you read this and know me, I trust you enough to let this side of me (which proud nemo considers ugly) be seen to you. Don’t misunderstand though, this ain’t a call for help; neither am I asking you to pity me or grant me some social leeway. This is just one of those rare moments when I’m being completely honest with you.

In the end, this is something personal that I struggle with, and I’ve been praying about it too. It’s gonna be one of my battles (I like that, sounds cool.) in this time ahead and I’d love it if you can keep me in your prayers too.

And as for you from the future (yeah, you.), don’t forget that this was once a fight you fought. As you remember the way you conquered it, be generous with your experience.

Lastly, please don’t overreact, for this was borne of an idle mind.