beware the apparent victory

To my dear soldier-in-the-Lord. 

I have received news that you seem to be doing well! It’s seems to be a bit of time that you have gone without displeasing the Lord in that particular way you often fall prey to. Praise the Lord for His protection thus far. Dear brother, do be encouraged and strive to further the fight as we look towards the hope of glory together (:

My heart is pleased and my soul is warm. Yet I write to you as one who has re-entered the enemy’s inner courts too many a time. I know the next temptation that will befall you all too well. Therefore, I must see to it that you be ever aware of this.

For it is written: “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!”

Beware the apparent victory you have over the accuser now. None of us are completely free from the marauding sin in the heart. For it takes a mere tweaking of the pitchfork, an alteration in his devious schemes, to ensnare you within the self-spun web of self-righteousness. You’d be crawling back to your phone in a matter of days.

Recall, dear friend, that it was never by your will, nor effort, that you gained this foothold against the roaring lion. Only by the undeserved provision of your Redeemer, were you able to walk thus far. Do not be deceived.

I command you, precious comrade, to rally the troops. Never allow the impending fight to reduce your men to cowering worms. Be nourished by the God-breathed words handed down since generations past, and they will be strong. Nothing in Scripture is written in vain, and it is indeed our wisdom and duty, dear friend, to learn from it.

The truth is, oh dear heart of mine, my security against sin is found in my distrust of you. I’d be lying if I denied the anguish awash upon my soul now. Sometimes it’s the civil wars that hurt the most. But it has to be. For you have led me nowhere but into the slough over and over again.

For this reason, I yearn for the day that you and I might be reconciled when the Maker hammers you into glorious conformity to His perfect design. Whilst I endure the wait, my assurance is this, that my faithful King will never allow temptation beyond what I can bear. At the height of its apparent unbearableness lies the escape route He has paved for me to slip. How merciful is the Almighty indeed!

Keep at it. Remember the enemy seeks to war against our soul. Fight to flee.

May the Lord find us faithful.

a letter to the defeated

The very fact that you are reading this is a miracle. Your heart is so fickle, it's truly by God's grace that you're brought back here. Recognise that as much as it was God's will to humble you (and therefore go back to seek His face), it was your full decision to engage in the very act that drove the nails into His hands and feet.

How are you feeling? Detached? Everything's in a haze? Don't wanna think about it? Fearful? Prideful? You'd do better to humble yourself sir. I'm praying for you to. Hurry up and confess it to the people you keep accountable to! The longer you delay it, the less the urgency shall be felt. Lest you forget (as you are prone to), I request that you do it now. 

Entrust yourself to this group of saints that He has blessed you with! Give thanks for their relentless brotherhood. God is so good to you. You better believe it.

So, what was it this time? Morning idleness? Boredom? Breaking your no-phone rule? Whatever it was, cut it now. Whatever it is that caused you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is truly better to suffer this temporary hurt, than to risk deviating from the Divine an inch. Though you don't ever admit it, you're really not wise. If you're even a tad bit unsure of how to cut it, ask. Talk to the brothers our dear Lord has sent your way.

Quiet your hazy heart and ask God to clear the fog. Pray for Him to let you see once more, that which was clouded by the enemy. Cast aside the lies of compromise and believe only that which is Believable. Read His word, and trust in the hope of eternity. Cling not, cherish not the world. For the umpteenth time (do not be discouraged at this), turn your back on the temporal ticklings, look for eternal Joy.

It doesn’t end here. The enemy will use your failure as a despicable opportunity to hammer in the nails of unfaithfulness. If you, by God’s mercy, take a closer look, you’ll see that the ferocity in which he hammers is fuelled by your very own sloth. Do not, ever, for an instant, take your eyes away from the kingdom work. Remember your commitments to our Lord. Never let the tumour of sin metastasize to the ministry. And let’s continue to look forward to the Day, when our dear Master returns to call His good and faithful servant ok?

We are never deserving of His Love, that’s why it’s called Charity. Yet He, oh how He loves the unlovable! Pray for an inkling of Love Himself to rub off on you, that we can pursue Him with a fraction of the intensity in which he runs after us.

Go to Him, my broken spirit. Yet remember that we are indeed victorious. This was written not to affirm you of your filth, but to encourage you, dear Daniel, that the battle is truly truly truly already won! That’s the reason we fight, remember?

Do better now, dear friend.

my red lizard

I have a red lizard, 

he scratches my itches.

His sort is not

allowed in the Holy City.

I know

but he scratches my itches.

Shall I remove him?

It will hurt though.

I don't know... 

he's not that bad...

Do you trust Him?

Help me to.

I decided to post some of my daily reflections I record when I read the Bible. Hopefully it reminds me of what God has revealed to me already. I'm praying that it encourages whoever's reading as well (: Praise God for His beautiful revelations.


23/11
HOW DO WE RESPOND TO JESUS
Mark 5:1-20

• Jesus met a man possessed by a legion of demons
• The man fell on his knees before Jesus and the demons recognised Jesus as God's Son
• Jesus cast out the demons and news of this spread to the town
• The people pleaded with Jesus to leave because they were afraid
• The man wanted to follow Jesus, but Jesus told him to go home and share how Jesus had mercy on him

I think it's quite easy to take accounts of Jesus casting out demons and skim through them, especially when we've read them many times before. So I think sometimes it's good to pause and take in the gravity of these accounts. I don't think I've ever come across a demon (at least not that I know of...), but I'm pretty sure I would be terrified at the sight of such possessions. I'm already pretty scared when I watch movies like The Conjuring, so if I happened to witness this sort of thing in real life, I'd definitely be afraid. Who wouldn't right? An evil supernatural being who has power over you? I'd probably be crying.

Only when we understand this, then we might have a shot at taking in the power of Jesus. He had complete authority over this legion of demons! So much so that they couldn't even run at the sight of him! Only when He gave the permission, they were allowed to go into the pigs. In theory, in terms of power, one ought to be more afraid of Jesus. Coincidentally, that was the exact response of the people who had heard of this miracle. They were terrified at his power...

Yet the man who was healed had a completely different response. He wanted to follow Jesus. So why the different response? He personally witnessed the extent of Jesus's power, wouldn't he be more afraid? Maybe there's something about personally experiencing Jesus that differentiates itself from mere hearing about Jesus's works. Okay I'm just speculating here, but maybe the man saw more than the power of demons. Maybe he saw love. Or compassion. So strong that it compelled Jesus to have mercy on him. He saw that and he made up his mind. I want to follow him!

I don't know whether I can fully apply this to our lives but I do see some similarities here, at least when I observe how people respond to Jesus. It's clear that to date, not everyone who has heard of Jesus has believed in Him. Not everyone who has had the gospel shared to them  has decided to follow Jesus. Some are afraid of the consequences of what it might mean to follow him. Some are afraid because they've "lost" family members to Christianity.

 Reading this passage, I suspect the reason for this to be the lack of that personal encounter with Jesus. Just like the demon-possessed man, I've been in (and sometimes still am) in that filthy, broken state. And I've been healed (and encountered Jesus) in a way only the demon-possessed man will know. So, I conclude, within the core of my being, that I need Jesus. Maybe that's what it takes to compel us to follow Jesus.

31/10
DO NOT BE DECEIVED
1 Corinthians 6:7-11
James 2:14-26

Before I begin writing I think I need to pray for God to grant me a discerning mind. May my words be glorifying to Him, and true of His Word.

The longer we spend gathering in Christian communities, going to church and doing Christ-related stuff, we're bound to hear of doctrines like the "perseverance of the saints" or even hear things like "once saved always saved". However, the tendency then would be to take these reassuring doctrines and pump them into our system, without a complete understanding of them. The result of this is frightening.

Those of us who do this only prove one point right. The point that Karl Marx was making when he proclaimed, speaking of religion:

"It is the opium of the people."

I think it's terrifyingly easy for us to convey (and even BELIEVE ourselves) the absurd misunderstanding that salvation is by "admittance". There is a twisted misconception among us that being a Christian is akin to a "stamping of our eternal passport". And once I pray the sinner's prayer, I'm secured. Signed. Sealed. Insured.

Because my passport is choped, I'm free to enjoy life. After all, I'm saved by His grace right? All that repentance, fellowship, evangelism stuff are just a “good-to-have”. I'm good where I am. Plus, the body is just temporal! Whatever I do with it shouldn't have any lasting consequences right? All that matters is that my soul is guaranteed eternal life. 

If indeed we subscribe to this line of thought, Paul has a stern warning for us, as he wrote to the Corinthians. Do not be deceived. The unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God. This is the point when I cringe and prepare to defend my stand against those of us who exclaim:

"But PERSEVERANCE OF THE SAINTS!"

"But Jesus's blood has made us righteous in God's sight! So, I will inherit the kingdom!"

"But I thought we are saved by grace through faith! Not works!"

Yes, I completely believe that we are justified through faith! In my faith that Jesus's bought my righteousness before God at the infinitely excruciating price of His death. But if our faith does not compel us to hate sin, if our faith doesn't cause us to desire above all else to make Him known, can we truly consider it faith? James echoes this when he writes in James 2:26.

For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.

Yet we don’t consider this for fear of contradicting the “perseverance of the saints”. 

Do you realise what we have done? We've taken a truth that is meant to bring us assurance in Christ our Lord, and used it as a drug! To numb the promptings of the Holy Spirit which scream at us to REPENT! If my "faith" in His death does not bring about an intense hate for the very thing that caused my Saviour to be crushed; that "faith" that I so desperately cling on to, while awaiting the day that my passport is approved, is dead.

You know, it's tragically ironic. We often use the analogy of a drug addict to describe how the world is steeped in sin, inescapably addicted. So, pastors exhort their congregations, mentors warn their younger ones to avoid these worldly influences, for they are lethal in that they draw us in and leave us dead in sin. We fail to realise this: In our attempt to wean off the world's nasty influences on us, we pump our veins full of misunderstood doctrines. I plead with you, do not be deceived.

Salvation faith is sin-killing faith. Salvation faith is daily-on-my-knees-repentance faith. Salvation faith is evangelism-doing faith. Do you not know this? Salvation faith is God-granted faith.

We need to be warned about this! Does my faith in Christ's death and resurrection COMPEL me to have daily communion with my God who continually loves and pursues me? If not, Paul says to us, do not be deceived. By our apparent "faith". When I recognise how dire of a situation this is, I see that the only rational thing for me to do is to pray and depend on the Lord. If you agree with me that the only faith worthy of salvation is a God-given one, pray along with me that God grants us that faith in Him. Faith that is alive and results in every good work.

Considering how deceitful our hearts can be, we ought to be cautious when applying this truth to others. By no means are we to judge our fellow Christians on their works or apparent lack thereof. Who are we to assert that their faith is not God-given? Only God Almighty sees into the hearts of men. Plus, there could be a myriad of reasons as to why a Christian doesn't seem to be actively evangelising or even engaging in daily repentance. The lack of genuine faith is but a mere needle in the haystack of possible reasons. Could it be that they simply don't know how exactly to go about doing it?

I have to admit, I'm quick to judge, especially when it comes to things of faith. I often fail to recognise that I was once reluctant to share the gospel. I kept my secret sin for years. Who am I to judge others for having "fake faith" and cut them off or shun them? 

In the end, I've come to understand this: because of the subjective nature of faith, because we cannot see into each other’s hearts; what else are we to do but to hold fast in our journey of faith together as a community consisting of those with mature and immature faith? What else are we to do but pray that God completes the work of sanctification He starts in each and every one of us? For only God grants that genuine faith that His elected have, by no other means are we saved.

my confession

Update (05032018): I decided to just come out and say it. Matilda is "masturbation" and Penelope refers to "pornography".

I think there’s something you should know. I’m involved in a secret relationship with Matilda. Well, it’s not a secret anymore, but I’ll get to that later. This has been going on for 6 years, to say the least. For the past 5 years I’ve always held on to the belief that if all else failed in life, she’d be there for me. I call these years the “glory years”. And for these years, it has indeed been the case. At least, in my limited perspective. At least, until the all-exposing light of truth shone on this heinous sin of mine.

You know I really thought everything was fine. Truthfully though, there were clues that pointed to the destructive nature of Matilda. Back in the “glory years”, I would hear of people talking, even warning that such relationships were to be avoided at all costs. I never heeded their advice. Plus, these words were never directed at me. (Probably because they never knew you were so steeped in toxicity, idiot.) So, I went on with it, never realising that our relationship was the exact opposite of what I claimed to be – Christian. A follower of Christ. I even sang “I have decided to follow Jesus” with the jitters. Yet everyday (well, almost everyday.) I’d come back and partake of the very relationship that defiled me.

I should’ve seen the signs. Man, I really should’ve known. It wasn’t long into this unholy union that Matilda brought her friend, Penelope, into our relationship. That was when things took a deadly turn for the worse. Penelope was a monster. Yet she seemed to understand my every want. Even my weird quirks. So, I gave in. Each and every time she beckoned, I came bounding over. I was hooked. Warnings against people like Penelope were much more serious. The line was clear, so was the exhortation. Cut her off. Period. But I couldn’t. I was hooked, addicted to the very sin that threatened to damn me. Yet I still wanted very much to remain in this Christian community I enjoyed. So, I maintained a façade, pretended I was fine, falsified my sincerity. Anything to maintain a semblance of sanity.

Turning points don’t come at the snap of a finger. You remember them as turning points because these happenings were the dominoes that started the cascade, the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. Truth is, the dominoes had to be set before that one could topple them all. The camel had to have already been weakened for a stalk to break it.

My domino came in the form of a YouTube video. Leading up to this moment, all the domino prep work had already been done beforehand. Short but powerful warnings in small groups, sermons, and the like. Still, no one approached me with this. Up till today, I’m inclined to believe that if anyone questioned me about these secret relationships, I’d probably would’ve caved and confessed. (How can you expect elders to rebuke you if they know nothing about your sin? Fool.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, my domino. Yea it was this YouTube video that gave a similar warning, but it wasn’t really the main topic of the video. Funny how when the heart’s interest is piqued, we tend to listen more attentively… It took a deal of struggling with myself but that was when I sent the texts to my mentors in church:

Then began a series of confessions and accountability meetups. It felt glad to be finally rid of the burden of keep Matilda and Penelope under wraps. Oh the relief I felt to finally have it dawn upon me that they were beyond toxic!

We read the Word together. They got me to read a book on this particular topic. I didn’t want anything to do with the 2 of them anymore; let’s just say, whatever we were engaging in, it wasn’t just dishonouring to God, but it defiled me. I didn’t want to continue this anymore. Convicted as I was, I took on all ways and means to cut them off. I shan’t get into details, but the “cutting off” process definitely hurt. Sometimes it would even draw questions from my friends (who might’ve noticed some things were different).

And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

Yet till this day, I’m not completely free from their clutches. First, I would be reminded of their sweet lies and tempted to reach out to them. Just this once. Then Matilda usually comes first. Closely followed by Penelope.

Ever since those texts, I have been in a constant battle against the passions of the flesh that wage war against my soul. Temptation, Sin, Guilt, Repentance, rinse and repeat. I'm reluctant to say this, but I'm still stuck with the two of them. Can I even call it true repentance if that seems to be the pattern?

Regardless, the reason I stand up yet again is this: I cannot deny God. He is as real to me as the concrete upon which I’m sitting now. Even after being deceived by their temptings, I am compelled to confess my sin and begin this uphill battle to repent.

Thanks be to God for the conviction carved out on my heart. Thanks be to God for the revelation of my sin. Yet I’m not satisfied with these. It isn’t enough that I see the ugly sin within me. It isn’t enough that I fully believe in God’s reality. I must win this war. My relationship with my loving Creator is at stake. Eternal life, full of joy is at stake.

With every fall, I cry out to my Redeemer. Please no more guilt and shame! For my Redeemer lives. He died and rose that I may escape my hell-bound race. Pull me up on my feet again so I may fight to flee.

Create in me a clean heart O God. A heart that so delights in You that nothing in the world will steal me away.

life's too big for me

There are times when the temptation to give up and run is strong. I just had a moment like that in the shower.

I recently understood the difference between preaching the gospel to strangers or students during street evangelism; and doing likewise to people whom I love and care for. I’ve been so used to rejection by students who “just listen only” or simply make fun of the faith, it doesn’t really bother me much. Yet recent attempts to speak to loved ones about Christ have taken a toll on my weak heart (somewhat).

It hurts.

It hurts when I see my beloved friends and family treat the very gospel that CHANGES LIVES as a passing remark. It hurts when they confess that they just can’t believe. It hurts when I don’t see a real attempt to engage in fellowship with my God. And when hurt and disappointment set in, the whispers of “give up…” become screams of relent.

Typing this down, I realise how much of a hypocrite I am. There have been periods, lots of them, when I treat my God as such. I’m unfaithful to His calling. I’m unloving to His people. I’m unrepentant in my heart.

Life is indeed too big for me Lord, help.

What refuge do I have from the storms of life? Who else do I go to but You Lord?

Change me. Mould me. Refine me. Keep me. That I may hold fast to You in faith.

Please equip me for my life ahead Jesus.

If it’s to preach to family and friends Lord, give me the patience.

If it’s to evangelise to strangers, stir my heart to love them more.

If it’s to encourage fellow saints, bolster my words with Your Spirit.

If it’s to rebuke a wayward friend, strengthen and embolden me.

Keep me from stumbling. 

Yet let all things be within Your will.